Back to square one

After a good experience with preschool last year, I'm kind of disappointed to say that we are in the process of finding a new preschool for Bryan. We do have options, but none of them seem to be ideal at this point. We were pretty lucky last year, as both of his teachers were nice and understanding, and willing to really work with us concerning Bryan's food allergies. They worked with us to keep him safe, but they also made sure that he felt included in the classroom. He sat at the table with everyone else at lunch, but they made sure that everyone knew they had to be careful around him. His allergies were important, but they weren't a "big deal." We were very happy with them, and with the school, and while I was disappointed that we had to move on from the class, I thought we were in fairly good shape for moving up to the next teacher.

I spoke with Bryan's new teacher at the beginning of the summer, and I wasn't really sure what to think. On the one hand, she seemed to take Bryan's allergies very seriously. However, her plan was for Bryan to sit at a table by himself during lunch. She was pretty set against letting him sit with the other kids because she felt the risk for accidents was too high. And while I understand her concern, I'm torn on her solution. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it. Do I want Bryan to be isolated from everyone else during lunch? It's safer, certainly, but is he going to feel excluded? Or worse, ashamed, like he has done something wrong? (It doesn't help that the separate table was also used at other times during the day as the "Time Out" table.) In general, Bryan is pretty matter-of-fact about things- if we explained that he had to sit alone because it was safest, he might be okay with it. But then again, he might not.

It was enough of a concern that I started to look at other options over the summer. And I thought that I had actually found a good one- a small, owner-operated center with what I considered to be a strong educational philosophy. I spoke with the owner multiple times, as well as with both of his potential teachers. I really liked them, and while I still wasn't sure if I was over-reacting on his old preschool, I thought I would go ahead and enroll him in this new place. However, when I called last week to confirm that they still had space and to go over some of Bryan's allergy information again, I was caught by surprise. While they did have space, his new teacher was so concerned about his allergies that she really didn't feel comfortable with having him at a table with the other kids. In fact, their solution was for me to pick Bryan up before lunch each day, since we were planning to do half-days anyway. I was kind of taken aback, but I told them it sounded fine. However, after I hung up and had a chance to actually think about it, I realized- I don't know that it is IS fine. Again, I understand their concerns, and honestly, it's safer for Bryan to have lunch at home with me. But in some ways, that kind of defeats the purpose of preschool for Bryan. He needs to learn to handle himself, particularly with meals, when I'm not around.

It's quite frustrating, because I honestly don't know what to do. How do other parents in this situation feel? One school is willing to give him a "safe", albeit isolated, table- should we just be grateful for that much? Or should we ask that he be included at the table during lunch? Is that even in his best interest, given the risks? Or am I just overthinking this? Anyone? Anyone?