The scariest time of the year

I was talking to Grandmama the other day, and mentioned that we might be going to Dallas to visit on Halloween this year. (We don't get a lot of trick-or-treaters here, and since it's on a Saturday, we thought it might be fun to visit Grandparents so they could see the kids in their costumes.) Right away, Grandmama started talking about how much fun it would be to take Bryan and Claudia trick-or-treating with their cousins Hannah and Zander, who always come over to trick-or-treat in their neighborhood.

The problem? I don't want Bryan to go.

Full disclosure- I am a little bit of a Halloween Grinch. Halloween has never been a big deal for me. I was pretty shy growing up, and I don't like asking people for things anyway, so trick-or-treating didn't hold a big appeal. So far, Bryan hasn't expressed any interest in going trick-or-treating, and he has enjoyed handing out candy for the past 2 years in a row- he actually already asked me about it for this year. My thought was that if we go to Grandparents' house, he would be able to hand out candy there. However, Grandmama is SO excited about having the cousins trick-or-treat together. I did tell her that I didn't know if trick-or-treating would be a good idea, but she began making plans to talk to her neighbors ahead of time to warn them of Bryan's food allergies. I know that my husband's family really got into Halloween every year, so she just wants to make sure that Bryan doesn't miss out on something that was so much fun for them.

I'm definitely thankful that Grandmama is thinking ahead on this, but there's so much more involved than just warning neighbors ahead of time. Neighbors who don't have any experience with food allergies won't know what to look for on a food label, and there are other issues as well. If I do let Bryan go trick-or-treating, I am going to want to:

• Talk to every single neighbor myself
  
• Bring some Bryan-safe candy to each house ahead of time
• Ask each person to make sure to keep the Bryan-safe candy separate from any other candy they might have to reduce the risk of cross-contamination
  
• Make sure they know who to look for to give the safe candy to
  
• Ask them to share this info with anyone in the house who might open the door

And that is a LOT to ask for from someone you don't know (particularly for someone who, as I mentioned earlier, doesn't like to ask people for things!) However, if I am being completely honest, there is a part of me that doesn't want to do this because I worry about what happens next. Suppose Bryan does go trick-or-treating this year. Next year when we're at home, do we do the same thing with all of our neighbors? And every year after that? If Bryan is perfectly happy handing out candy now, why change a good thing?

Am I letting my Halloween Grinch get in the way here? Since we have this opportunity, shouldn't I just let my kids enjoy being kids (and let their grandparents enjoy it as well)? Am I being unfair to Claudia by holding her back from this experience? Are they both going to look back on this someday and say that my denying their trick-or-treating effectively ruined their childhoods?

Wow, Halloween really CAN be the scariest time of the year...

Some good news and not-exactly-good news

Good news first- we found a new preschool for Bryan! We spent a few frustrating weeks calling and visiting preschools, none of which seemed to really understand our food allergy concerns. However, we finally found one that I was really excited about. First, they have experience dealing with food allergies- not only have they had other children with similar allergies in the past, his current class actually has another child with a nut allergy. When we went to visit, the director and the teacher asked all the "right" questions about Bryan's allergies and potential reactions, and I felt like they went out of their way to make sure I would feel comfortable leaving him in their care. They even invited me back to the kitchen to read all of the labels on the snacks that they served- which I REALLY appreciated. I kind of knew that for the most part, the snacks would not actually be safe (Goldfish crackers, Nilla wafers), but the fact that they gave me the opportunity to check helped me feel like they really do know what needs to be done to keep a food-allergic child safe. While I know that nothing is foolproof, I do feel really good about this place, and I hope that things go well!

As for the not-exactly-good news... We had another allergist appointment last week. Nothing has changed really, which we pretty much expected would be the case. However, there was so little improvement in his IgE levels for all of his allergens, the allergist actually recommended that we wait another 2 years before meeting with her again. Basically, she felt that the likelihood of seeing any marked improvement in another year was fairly slim, so we may as well wait a little longer before testing again. I certainly understand her rationale, and I actually agree that we probably won't see any improvement within the next year. It was, however, a little disheartening to hear someone (particularly the expert) actually say it out loud. I guess we just have to keep taking things one step at a time.

Back to square one

After a good experience with preschool last year, I'm kind of disappointed to say that we are in the process of finding a new preschool for Bryan. We do have options, but none of them seem to be ideal at this point. We were pretty lucky last year, as both of his teachers were nice and understanding, and willing to really work with us concerning Bryan's food allergies. They worked with us to keep him safe, but they also made sure that he felt included in the classroom. He sat at the table with everyone else at lunch, but they made sure that everyone knew they had to be careful around him. His allergies were important, but they weren't a "big deal." We were very happy with them, and with the school, and while I was disappointed that we had to move on from the class, I thought we were in fairly good shape for moving up to the next teacher.

I spoke with Bryan's new teacher at the beginning of the summer, and I wasn't really sure what to think. On the one hand, she seemed to take Bryan's allergies very seriously. However, her plan was for Bryan to sit at a table by himself during lunch. She was pretty set against letting him sit with the other kids because she felt the risk for accidents was too high. And while I understand her concern, I'm torn on her solution. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it. Do I want Bryan to be isolated from everyone else during lunch? It's safer, certainly, but is he going to feel excluded? Or worse, ashamed, like he has done something wrong? (It doesn't help that the separate table was also used at other times during the day as the "Time Out" table.) In general, Bryan is pretty matter-of-fact about things- if we explained that he had to sit alone because it was safest, he might be okay with it. But then again, he might not.

It was enough of a concern that I started to look at other options over the summer. And I thought that I had actually found a good one- a small, owner-operated center with what I considered to be a strong educational philosophy. I spoke with the owner multiple times, as well as with both of his potential teachers. I really liked them, and while I still wasn't sure if I was over-reacting on his old preschool, I thought I would go ahead and enroll him in this new place. However, when I called last week to confirm that they still had space and to go over some of Bryan's allergy information again, I was caught by surprise. While they did have space, his new teacher was so concerned about his allergies that she really didn't feel comfortable with having him at a table with the other kids. In fact, their solution was for me to pick Bryan up before lunch each day, since we were planning to do half-days anyway. I was kind of taken aback, but I told them it sounded fine. However, after I hung up and had a chance to actually think about it, I realized- I don't know that it is IS fine. Again, I understand their concerns, and honestly, it's safer for Bryan to have lunch at home with me. But in some ways, that kind of defeats the purpose of preschool for Bryan. He needs to learn to handle himself, particularly with meals, when I'm not around.

It's quite frustrating, because I honestly don't know what to do. How do other parents in this situation feel? One school is willing to give him a "safe", albeit isolated, table- should we just be grateful for that much? Or should we ask that he be included at the table during lunch? Is that even in his best interest, given the risks? Or am I just overthinking this? Anyone? Anyone?

Four years and counting

It has been four years since we started our ride on this roller coaster of living with food allergies. We have definitely been through a lot, but we have learned a lot as well. And the next year is going to bring even more challenges (hello, Kindergarten!) But through it all, Bryan has been a trooper. I'm sure that things are difficult for him sometimes, but he has been so mature about the way that he handles his food allergies, it's hard for me to believe that he is only four years old. Bigger challenges may be ahead of us, but for now, at least- I think he's going to be okay.

On the road again

We just got back from another food-allergy adventure- our first big road trip. We drove from Austin to Dallas, stayed overnight with Grandmama and Grandpa, then set out on the road for a 12-ish hour drive to Nashville to visit some family friends. We stayed at our friends' house in Nashville (four families, three nights, two days, one house!), so we were able to take advantage of the kitchen and grocery store for most of our meals. However, meals during the drive posed a problem, (beyond what you would expect from hours in the car with two small children!) and we would have to figure out how to handle lunches and dinners on the road for Bryan.

In general, fast-food options are out for him. Burgers are cooked on the same grill as cheeseburgers, fries are cooked in the same oil as chicken nuggets, which usually have milk or egg in the coating. Some places are now offering apple slices or mandarin oranges, which would be a nice treat, but we needed to have something more substantial. Armed with a cooler, we brought along some chicken nuggets (prepared that morning at Grandmama's house; he would have to eat them cold), and a ham and soy cheese sandwich. And luckily, he was pretty happy with his options.

While in Nashville, our hosts Eric and Sarah Catherine were amazing. I talked with SC prior to our visit, as she wanted to make sure that we were comfortable with our surroundings allergy-wise. The rest of the guests were great as well. We did end up relying mostly on convenience foods while we were there- hot dogs, chicken nuggets, and Pop Tarts- but it wouldn't have made sense to spend a lot on other ingredients that we would just end up leaving after our visit. Maybe Bryan wasn't the healthiest eater while we were there, but I can live with that.

Bryan did have one allergic reaction while we were there, and I have to take the blame for that one. The last morning we were there, we made eggs for breakfast. Everyone checked with me first to make sure I was okay with it, and I thought Bryan would be fine. He hasn't had a reaction other times that people have cooked and eaten eggs around him. However, I didn't really consider the fact that two of the people eating eggs were under the age of 3- and therefore a bit more hands-on with their eggs than most. And while we made sure that hands and faces were washed, it maybe wasn't quite enough. Shortly afterwards, Bryan's left eye started swelling pretty badly, and he started complaining that his throat and tummy felt hot. No hives on his neck or stomach, though, so I gave him some Benadryl, and luckily, that was the extent of it. But as usual, not much fun.

For the drive back, we decided to take it easy and stop for the evening along the way, rather than try to make it all the way to Dallas. So for Bryan's meals-on-the-go, we had more cold chicken nuggets for lunch, but I was able to use the microwave at the hotel to warm up some leftover pasta that we had made for him earlier in the weekend. Breakfast in the morning was Pop-Tarts, and that was the end of our food-on-the-road challenge. One more milestone done- and while we survived, I think it may be a while before we try that one again. =)

A lost art

The other day, Bryan asked me if he could have some popcorn. (I'm not quite sure where he had seen or heard about popcorn, since he hasn't actually had it before!) My automatic response was "Well, Bryan, I have to go to the store to see if I can find some that is safe for you." So that's what I did. I went to the aisle that had the microwave popcorn, looked at every single package, and found not a single one that did not have a milk product in it. As I got ready to go home to tell my soon-to-be-disappointed son that I couldn't find any safe popcorn, I stopped and thought for a minute. Ummmm... people made popcorn before microwaves existed, right? In fact, I remember growing up with those fun Jiffy-Pop aluminum popping pans. And while they didn't have any of those at this particular store, surely I could figure out a way to pop popcorn on the stove, right?

Armed with a nice big jar of popcorn kernels, I sat down with my cookbooks to try to figure out how to pop these things, since the label had helpful Air Popper instructions, but nothing about stovetop popping. No luck. However, I do have this wonderful thing called the "internet" that was much more helpful.

As usual, I was making things WAY more complicated than they needed to be. But in the end, Bryan got his popcorn AND we had a lot more fun than just sticking a bag into the microwave. We had a lovely math lesson as Bryan measured out the kernels, and he got to watch them actually pop, which was SUPER exciting. All in all, a great experience- one that we probably wouldn't have had if I had just been able to pull a box of microwave popcorn off the shelf. So in some ways, his allergies actually helped make things a little more fun for us this time. Every now and then, it's nice to find a silver lining in our food allergy cloud. =)

Guilty and guilt-free treats

When Bryan was first diagnosed with his food allergies, we decided that it would be best to eliminate peanuts from our household. (We considered eliminating eggs and milk as well, but ended up not doing so. More thoughts on that in a later post...) In general, it hasn't been that difficult. While my husband and I like peanut butter, but it's not one of our must-have foods. In general, I certainly don't feel like I am missing out on anything- except at this time of the year. The one thing that I do miss are Reese's peanut butter eggs. (I don't care about the peanut butter cups- for some reason, it's just the eggs that I crave.) And I kind of feel guilty about wanting them, even if I'm not going to actually buy or eat them- like I'm somehow being disloyal to Bryan. Are there any other parents out there who feel the same way?

Anyway, while I have to do without the peanut butter eggs, I decided to try to make a different Easter treat for Bryan. I actually found a recipe for milk-and-egg-free "Cadbury" creme eggs. (That's right- I made egg-free eggs.) To be honest, I'm not sure if Bryan will actually eat them (although they ARE pure sugar- how can he not like them?). But at least I can say that I actually made them!